Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
