Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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