I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
