I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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