I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
