she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
