I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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