i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
