hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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