The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
