Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
