I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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