If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
