He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
