So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
