How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
