Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
