He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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