SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
