he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
