so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
