Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
