Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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