So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
