I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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