can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
