he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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