Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
