so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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