We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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