just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
