One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
