my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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