tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
