so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
