get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
