thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
