Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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