90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
