Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
