Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize
