Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
