My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
