Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
