Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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