I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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