gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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