don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
