You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
