apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
