I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
