There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
