And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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