i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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