Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
