you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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