My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
