Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
