Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
