I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
